Fashionably hirsute

In all honesty, I had no idea that the US National Beard and Moustache Championships was a thing. Not that I should. My splotchy, multicolored beard, which looks like a Calico cat rubbed its ass on my face, ain't winnin' any awards.

No, this competition is reserved for dudes so bearded it seems as though they may need an ax or a sling blade (some folks call it a kaiser blade) to get a close shave. Not only that, but they also appear to have the amazing ability to manipulate their facial follicles with more contortional flair than a Romanian gymnast.

This year's Beard and Moustache Championships take place October 25 in Portland, Ore., so get growin', dude!

Need some inspiration? Check these, jack! 

And, now, just because ...

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